Anesthesia is, undoubtedly, an essential part of modern medicine. A patient’s ability to essentially sleep through painful and invasive procedures allows doctors to perform more complex surgeries and treatments without risk of putting their charges in shock or even more pain.
Not to be taken lightly, however, anesthesia needs to applied judiciously. After all, it’s a powerful drug, and even when it’s used right, people still react to it in unpredictable ways.
That’s why someone asked these medical professionals about the craziest things that they witnessed patients say or do while under anesthesia. Their answers, unsurprisingly, did not disappoint!
1. One medical student studying anesthesia said that, during one of his clinical rotations, an old man woke up and asked him if he still had his genitals. The student reassured him that he did, to which the man responded, “Aw, you guys are great!”
2. Two nurses were struggling to get a sleeping man onto a gurney, so his wife poked her anesthetized husband in the ribs and said, “You’re snoring, roll over.” He then rolled right onto the gurney! Hey, whatever works.
3. Evidently, one anesthetized patient began saying terrible things about her sister, calling her the black sheep of the family—a “scumbag”—and even admitting that she wanted to sleep with her husband. Unfortunately, she didn’t realize that her sister was right there in the doorway… and was the only member of the family to lend her support during the surgery.
4. One Navy man who was coming out of his sedation grabbed a corpsman’s rear end and “hung on for dear life.” Once the patient was of sound mind, he asked what had happened. The corpsman relayed the story to the patient himself.
5. After having five of his teeth pulled, one patient’s mother and nurse slowly lead him to the car. Once he made it, he bowed and doffed an imaginary cap. He must have been a natural showman!
6. While recovering from a colonoscopy and lounging in a chair, one patient let out a terrible fart. He asked the nurse if it was him, and when she nodded “yes,” he went right back to sleep!
7. In another story, a patient was petting an imaginary cat. He had named it after one of his nurses, and when he recovered from the anesthesia the next day, he asked what had happened to the kitty.
8. One nurse explained how a large, hairy patient—who’d been a complete stranger to her—confessed his love for her and told her that he wanted to kiss her. What do you even say to something like that?
9. In one story, a patient recently relieved of all of his wisdom teeth asked his doctor to let him be David Bowie. The doctor asked how that would be possible, to which the patient replied, “It would be fantastic.”
10. After surgery, a World War II veteran was convinced that he and his great-grandson, who was in the room with him, were trapped in a Nazi prisoner-of-war camp. “Kill her, now!” he exclaimed when a nurse walked in.
11. During another wisdom tooth removal surgery, nurses strapped a patient’s arm down in order to hook up an IV anesthetic. After noticing it, the patient asked, “Goldfinger, do you expect me to talk?” Obviously, he said it whilst doing his best Sean Connery impression.
12. Once, a Vietnam War veteran coming out of a coma had to be restrained. Traumatized by war and averse to being tied down, he ended up breaking the hospital’s restraining system, which was worth $30,000. Oof.
13. A nurse once asked a 14-year-old waking up from eye surgery for her name. The girl replied, “My name… is Worcestershire sauce. No, wait… that’s not a cool name. My name… is Shark!”
14. After surgery, hospital staff wheeled a patient in her early twenties into a room full of senior citizens. Moments later, she turned to the hospital porter and shouted, “Sorry, we seem to have taken a wrong turn, we’re in the morgue.”
15. One patient apparently freaked out after waking up too early from his wisdom tooth surgery. Evidently, he felt like he was choking. Next, he fought the nurses as they tried to restrain him. He even punched one of them before passing out again.
16. A seven-year-old patient asked to watch the children’s cartoon Rugrats. When he woke up, however, the boy revealed that he didn’t like that show. When he asked why he’d requested that it was turned on, the doctor told him, “You wanted to be angry because you don’t like being so happy all the time.”
People sure do say some silly things when they’re on anesthesia. Hopefully, these patients looked back at these crazy incidents and laughed!
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