All you want is to shower your cat with love. Well, that, and maybe also for your cat to stop deciding 3 a.m. is the ideal time of day for vociferous recreation. Some of us have to work tomorrow, Mr. Boots!
And, without fail, it seems the moment you want to show that adorable, furry face that you love it is exactly when your cat rejects you harder than your high school crush. Just know that, as you stave off the flow of tears, you are not alone in this rejection.
It’s actually so common that there’s probably a support group for it somewhere. Take a look at these 31 mean kitties and commiserate!
1. “Yeeeaaahhh… I’m gonna need you to go ahead and stop. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the effort, because I do, it’s just that your ear scratching game can really use some serious work.”
2. “No thanks, Ariana.” Many humans couldn’t imagine turning down a smooch from Ariana Grande, but this cat is having none of it. Ariana is just as shocked about it as the rest of us!
3. “It burns us! We have to get those hobbitses and retrieve the Precious!” Come on, you can’t really say that this cat doesn’t look at least a little like Gollum from Lord of the Rings, can you?
4. “Sorry, you had a little something on your face. I think it’s that big thing in the middle that you call a ‘nose.’ You really ought to do something about that. Get yourself some whiskers, too.”
5. “Send for help, Mirror Cat! We are now trapped in this mirror dimension within our own home, and you our only hope left to return to the outside world! Go now, before it’s too late!”
6. “Look how much I care. Yeah, that’s right, I just put my butt right in front of your stupid face. Maybe I’ll even pass gas. There’s nothing you can do about it, you silly human.”
7. “How’s about ‘no?’ Here’s the deal: I’m going to continue acting like I own this place, scratching everything and knocking all of your containers over, and you’re not going to pick me up even once.”
8. “Is that a brand-new, expensive cat tower? Thanks, but no thanks. I’d much prefer the box.” Cats are basically the animal kingdom’s equivalent of stubborn three-year-olds.
9. “If you think you’re getting in on this pizza, you’re mistaken.” It looks like we may have just found ourselves the real-life Garfield! Chances are, this kitty loves lasagna and hates Mondays as well.
10. “Oh, did you care about that phone? Or that bottle of life-saving prescription pills? Well, that’s just too bad, because I’m a cat and I like to knock things over. Also, why do you still have a flip phone?”
11. “No, please, not like this! Please, for the love of all that is holy, this is not at all how I want my life to end: smothered with cuddles and hugs by my human. It’s utterly inhumane!”
12. “I want nothing to do with you. All you ever do is feed me, provide me with shelter, clean my litter box, give me toys, and shower me with affection. And I’m just so sick of it all!”
13. “I’m… I’m in a tunnel. It’s dark. Wait! I can see the light! It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen… but no, it is not yet my time. I have so much left to live for! Like those large house plants that need to be knocked over…”
14. “Run… while you still can. Save… yourself.” This is basically that moment in every horror movie when the protagonist knows he’s made a horrible mistake and he has to make a run for it!
15. “Oh my goodness, did I turn the stove off? As much as I’m enjoying your hugs and kisses, human, I really must get going and make sure that the house does not burn down.”
16. “What are you trying to imply? That, somehow, it’s my fault that you never paid your rent on time? Or that you allowed the place to become infested with mice and bed bugs?”
17. “Yeah, that’s right. I just knocked over your… whatever that thing is. Do something about it. You won’t. Yeah, that’s what I thought, chump. You’re just going to sit there and take it.”
18. “Oh no. Nope. There’s absolutely no way that I’m climbing over your stupid husband chair just so you could pat my head like I’m some kind of fool. And get a new bedspread! It’s embarrassing.”
19. “Excuse me, but did I ask for a scratch? No? Then don’t do it.” Yeah, this kitty definitely isn’t a fan of his owner’s affections. Maybe another time.
20. “Do I look like I care? Frank’s not my real dad, anyway! What are you going to do, marry him? Actually, wait, please don’t really do that! I hate Frank! And I hate his laptop, too!”
21. “Uh, the dog did it. We don’t have a dog? Must have been you then. Yeah, that’s right. Also, you really should be recycling that box of Tuna Helper. Don’t you want to leave something of this planet for your grandchildren?”
22. “Psych!” There’s nothing quite like being denied by a cat. It’s bad enough when your fellow humans don’t give you the attention that you want, but we expect cats to always want our affection!
23. We’ve all seen this cartoon before. As we all know, it usually doesn’t end well. This girl better be careful, because those falling anvils and pianos can come from anywhere, anytime.
24. “Not in public, woman. Are you insane? You do realize that I have a wife, don’t you? Her name is Mittens, and she would be extremely upset to find out that I was smooching another!”
25. “We’ve been betrayed! All we were doing was walking over her computer’s keyboard, and the next thing we know she’s picking us up and kissing us. Like we’re some kind of… pets! Ugh!”
26. “NOOOOOOO. Not the breath! Not the breath! Seriously, lady, you should really invest in some good mouth wash. And for the love of all that is holy, lay off on the garlic bread!”
27. “My litter box smells better than you. That’s why I must leave you… forever. I realize that you love me, but I simply cannot love you back in the way that your deserve. I’m sorry.”
28. “Battle for my amusement! The one who succeeds in entertaining me the most in your fight shall earn my affection for the day. The one who fails… shall die.”
29. “Oh, did I do that? Hope you enjoy stitches. Also, your sit-up form is absolutely terrible. Why don’t you just pony up the cash for a mat? Maybe get yourself a new TV while you’re at it.”
30. “Tiny human, you are a worthy opponent. Truly, you and I are a match when it comes to strength and wits. Perhaps we should join forces. Together, we can conquer the world!”
31. “Shhh. Don’t fight it. This is all perfectly natural. We were meant to be together, you see. Carrie the human and Fuzzy the cat… it’s a tale as old as time. Of course, I’m the beauty, and you’re the beast.”
We all love our cats, but we’ve experienced their sweet, sweet rejection before. Somehow, they still seem just so darned cute to us. It’s worth it!
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